Due Date

A little over 4 months after a pink August moon, I went for a run.
I've been wondering what this day would be like. The last few weeks have been in sick... anticipation? I don't know. I just feel like she was being taken away again.
Ruth was part of Shelly. When you have a child, a piece of your heart and soul become living and separate from you. How do you go on without that part of yourself?
I ran today on a very cold but clear December day. My miles are for her so I think of her when I run. My legs are numb from the cold and the lump in my throat makes it hard to breath. It's 3pm but the sun looks ready to go down. Mt Hood is glowing. I want to move forward.

This is how it is,
~I am so thankful that Shelly got to hold Ruth even though she couldn't keep her here.
~I am so thankful to have Shelly, even with that little missing piece of her heart. I love every thing about her and don't know what I would do without her.
~I'm Thankful for Ruth and the absolute happiness she brought to her mom.

I'm moving forward as the lump in my throat gets smaller.

Good fences make good neighbors? Finding the best way over them makes best friends.

Today is Jaelyn's moving day.

When Avery and Jaelyn started playing together we would lift one or the other over the fence. Soon this became hard on our backs and Jaelyn's dad built a "ladder bridge" over the fence. For the last 3 years a phone call would be made between the two, some begging to parents to please let them play, and always hearing Avery end the call with " I'll meet you at the fence".

Snow shoes, umbrellas, swimsuits - whatever was necessary and they were set to go.

She isn't even moving out of town. They have it timed to a 4 minute drive, but it's nothing like being able to pop over the fence.

I had to get a few pictures...

My new running partner is an angel

I was running today, a horrible 6 miles. I haven't run much the last month and I'm doing a half marathon with Quade and his friend Theron in 2 weeks. Time to get going.
I've been thinking about how my life has changed since Shelly had Ruth. Starting at 2am on August 4th, I was sure some things would change for me. I wanted them to because I wanted there to always to be a way she touched my life. How could my life not change. I didn't want it to just be the 3 weeks of depression or my new questions about the effectiveness of praying. Something positive would be marked by this.
As I'm running this morning Neutral Milk Hotel is starting to sing...

What a beautiful face I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me...

I've heard this song so many times over the years, it's a running favorite. This is the first time it had any meaning.
I run for many reasons and I've succeeded in it thanks to the support of friends and family. From now on I run every race for Ruth. I will qualify and run Boston for her. For every step she'll never get to take and for every Mom and Dad that never get to bring their babies home with them.
Who could ask for a better reason than that.

What a beautiful face I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AH3CRVVBL9o

this day is your birthday...

...and the moon is pink for you.

You got,

just this one moon.

For today, the earth revolves around, and around

you.





xo

Reader comes for a visit

Quade, Avery, Kaevin and soon to be Irelin, have had an amazing preschool teacher, Mrs. Walters. Mrs. Walters has a few class pets and one is a rat named Reader. Avery fell in love with Reader this last school year and Mrs. Walters said she would get to babysit him some day.
Mrs. Walters had shoulder surgery last week and we are taking care of Reader. Avery is thrilled. Really, everyone is pretty excited about it. Irelin calls him "Mr. Walters".
He's pretty darn cute and even cuter knowing he isn't a permanent member of the family.

The most fun day

I can't even explain how perfect this day was. Sometimes things are better when you have pretty low expectations for them. We went to the REI Paddle Demo yesterday at Vancouver Lake with my friend Maureen who also has 4 children. It sounded OK when the guy at REI told us about it, but we thought it might be too crowded and I thought that somehow Irelin would be to young to go on a boat. Wow was I wrong.

We got to the beautiful lake on a crazy perfect weather day. As we were standing in the "we won't sue you" form line we notice you can see Mt. St Helens and Mt Hood on the other side of the motor boat free lake. We wait just long enough for the kids to get a short swim in and then we all got fitted for life jackets and paddles. After they give a short demo on how to use a paddle they set us free on a shore lined with at least 60 paddle boats. Single kayaks, double kayaks, canoes, sea kayaks, paddle boards, boats I don't know the name of, but I tried anyway. So family friendly, Quade and Avery could use a boat on their own as long as we stayed close.

I'm almost afraid to tell anyone because I don't want it to be overcrowded next year, but, you wont tell anyone, right?

3 hours 45 minutes

I never wanted to do it. I never thought I could. How dare 'Mr. High & Mighty' makes himself so out of reach!
I thought I didn't want to, and it seemed out of my reach. Everything changed when I was able to look up and see the finish clock at this years Eugene Marathon. I had finished in under 4 1/2 hours. Thirty minutes faster than my last Marathon and I didn't even speed train.
Well shoot, maybe I do want to run it. Maybe I am enticed by the huge goal they set for you in order to qualify. Maybe when the billionth person asks if I've run 'Boston' I could someday say, "Yes, now get off my back!"
Right now I would have to run a Marathon in 3 hours 45 minutes to qualify. That would mean I'd have to shave 45 minutes of my best time. If I wait until I'm forty five I would have 4 hours. I'll do it, someday. Until then when people ask me if I have, I can say,"Not yet."
Apparently your game of hard to get has worked, Mr. Boston Marathon.